Support for partners and families
Your birth partner might be your baby’s father, your partner, a doula, a family member, or friend. They play an essential role throughout your pregnancy, labour and once the baby is born.
There are lots of benefits to having a birth partner. There is even evidence that having a birth partner who provides continuous, one-to-one support, may help you cope better with labour and be happier with the birth experience.
Some birth partners may occasionally feel like a “spare part” during labour, however, they play a crucial role.
Make sure your birth plan details how your birth partner would like to be involved in the birth. This will help the midwife make sure your birth partner can fulfil their role, feel involved and included.
The role of the birth partner will be led by the person giving birth
- They might want you to massage them or help them to move around and keep active, which helps baby to move down further into the birth canal and help labour to progress.
- They might want you to comfort them and support their decisions. You can help to explain to the midwife or doctor what they need.
- Have a discussion with the person that you are going to be supporting about what they might want you to do and what they have planned as part of their birth plan.
- Plan the route to hospital/birth centre and which entrance to use at different times of the day or night.
- Know where the bag is that needs to go with you to hospital and familiarise yourself with the contents so that you can find things quickly if you need them.
- Time the contractions – when they are coming regularly, every three – four minutes, you should phone the number provided by your midwife. Know where these numbers are.
- You may need to speak to the midwife if the person you are supporting cannot. Explain clearly what symptoms they have. The midwife will appropriately assess and advise whether it is time to make your way to the hospital or Birth unit, or whether the midwife needs to attend if you are having a home birth.
- Be prepared, so that you can look after your needs too. Babies can be born quickly however some labours can last between 12-16 hours. Bring refreshments for yourself too, so that you can continue to support.
- Bring a charger for your phone so that you can contact your family and friends when you need to.
- Have some loose change ready for car parking
Some people may require the assistance of a surrogate in order to create a family. Surrogacy is when another person carries a child for someone who is unable to conceive or carry a child themselves.
An intended parent(s) are couples or individuals who cannot have a child themselves and who are considering surrogacy to become a parent. They may be heterosexual or same-sex couples in a marriage, civil partnership or living together/co-habiting, or individuals regardless of their relationship status.
When preparing to access maternity care as a surrogate or intended parent, it is important that you are clear and consistent with hospital staff about your arrangements and how you would like to be referred to. For example, be prepared to introduce yourselves and explain the situation regularly, as you may encounter lots of different staff along the way. You may need to allow extra time to explain your circumstances.
Whilst the midwife or doctor’s duty of care is to the surrogate, the intended parents should also receive sensitive and supportive care. Intended parents should be given all the support that other new parents receive in terms of advice for early care and bonding. This normally includes discussing contact, caring, and feeding with each other as well as the hospital and care staff.
Some NHS hospitals will have their own protocols for dealing with surrogacy pregnancies and you might find it useful to find out what approach your local hospital takes so that you can better understand some of the issues you might face. For example, where surrogates and intended parents opt for joint attendance at scans or at the birth, you will need to make sure the hospital is clear about your wishes, so surrogates can be accompanied by the intended parents where it is safe and practical to do.
The Department of Health and Social Care has been working with healthcare professionals and surrogacy organisations to develop best practice guidance for healthcare professionals to ensure consistent care for all those in a surrogacy arrangement. This is available on the gov.uk page or speak to your chosen maternity service provider.
Some other things to consider
- Do you want to cut the cord after birth?
- Do you want to have skin-to-skin with the baby (after their first feed)?
Organisations that can support you
Dad Matters works directly with dads, helping provide information, advice, education and support for dads through the antenatal period and beyond on what to expect at each stage, the important role they have in developing babies brain and how they can support their partner and be the attuned and caring parent they want to be.
Dad Matters is also about being able to support dads with their mental health and helping them to understand why it’s important for their family. Dad Matters also supports dads to access services that they might need and that they might not usually consider.
Dad Matters offer monthly ‘Dad Chats’ which are available online. Every Wednesday evening, 6pm on our Facebook page @dadmattersuk. They talk about attachment mental health and accessing services, current maternity guidelines, and anything else involving dads, and encourage dads to watch live and join the conversation and ask questions or share their experiences. They also repost the videos on our YouTube channel for those who can’t watch live.
Proud 2b Parents is an inclusive organisation for all routes to parenthood. They are run by and deliver services for LGBT+ parents and carers to be, LGBT+ parents/carers and their children living in Greater Manchester.
Proud 2b Parents doesn’t want any parents or carers to be to feel isolated, and fully understand that becoming a parent or carer can be difficult.
They offer a variety of activities for you and your little ones. Get in touch and get connected, contact them on info@proud2bparents.co.uk or visit their website.
LGBT Foundation offers a variety of services across Greater Manchester to anyone who identifies as LGBT. They want to make sure that all LGBT people can reach their full potential. They do this by reducing isolation, equipping you with skills, providing mental health support, and more. You can see a full list of their services on their website.
Spoons support families who experience neonatal care in the Greater Manchester area. Both on the neonatal unit and through their community work. They provide:
- Peer support delivered by those with neonatal lived experience.
- Dedicated family support to help family navigate life on the neonatal unit, the transition from neonatal to home and support post discharge from neonatal care.
- Trauma therapy and counselling.
- Community play sessions.
- Community support groups.
Visit the Spoons website for more information.
Becoming a parent can feel overwhelming at times. Remember, your midwife and health visitor are there to help, guide and support you during the first few weeks and months. The NHS Start for Life website has more information and links for support.
