Urgent help
If you, or a member of your family, are in urgent need of mental health support – call NHS 111 and select option 2. You can speak to specially trained professionals who can help and direct you to other services for further support.
NHS 111 SignVideo is available for BSL users. Text relay also available 18001 111.
If a life is in danger, call 999.
Getting help with self-harm
Many people want to stop self-harming. But stopping all at once can be hard, especially if it has been a way to cope with strong feelings.
It can help to talk to someone you trust. They can help you find safer ways to cope and make a plan to slowly reduce self-harm.
You could talk to:
- a family member
- a school nurse
- a GP
- a counsellor
- another mental health professional
Schools and colleges also have staff who support young people, such as learning mentors, pastoral staff, or Mental Health Support Team practitioners.
These people are there to listen and help. They will not judge you.
Talking about self-harm for the first time can feel scary. But many young people feel relieved after they talk to someone.
Try to find someone you trust. If it feels hard to say out loud, you could write your feelings down first. Try to be as honest as you can.
What is self-harm?
Many young people who self-harm say they hurt themselves to cope with very strong feelings. These might be painful memories or hard situations that feel out of control.
Some young people feel they have no other way to deal with these feelings, so they turn to self-harm.
Not everyone who self-harms wants to die. Many people use it as a way to cope with difficult feelings. But self-harm can still be very dangerous and can sometimes lead to accidental death.
Why do people self-harm?
Young people shared some of the reasons they may self-harm:
- To show feelings that are hard to see.
- To express feelings that are hard to put into words.
- To turn emotional pain into physical pain.
- To help calm very strong feelings or thoughts.
- To feel more in control.
- To try to escape painful memories.
- To have something they feel they can rely on.
- To punish themselves because of how they feel.
- To stop feeling numb or disconnected.
- To give themselves a reason to care for their body.
- To show they are having suicidal thoughts without trying to end their life.
Signs self-harm may be getting harder to manage
- Self-harm feels like the only way to cope with strong feelings.
- You feel like you cannot take a break from self-harm.
- You self-harm after drinking alcohol or using drugs.
- You self-harm when you are alone for a long time.
- Other problems are getting worse, like anxiety or feeling very low.
- Your wounds need medical help more often.
- You get into risky situations because of self-harm.
- The things you used to do to self-harm no longer feel like enough.
It can be hard to talk about self-harm. But it is important not to deal with it alone.
Some people hide self-harm because they feel ashamed. This can make it harder to ask for help. But self-harm is not something to be ashamed of.
Getting support can help. It can help you understand the hard feelings and find safer ways to cope.
Sometimes young people start to self-harm more often when they feel very upset. This can feel like a negative cycle that is hard to stop.
Other ways to help
It can help to find other ways to deal with big feelings. These can help you feel calmer or take your mind off self-harm.
Doing something else for a while can sometimes make the urge pass. Joining a club, group, or sport can also help. It can give you something to focus on and help you feel less alone.
Some people also move or hide things they could use to hurt themselves. This can help slow down the urge to self-harm.
Here are some ideas you could try. Not everything works for everyone, so try different things and see what helps you.
Ways to release strong feelings
More helpful activities
- Go for a walk and notice the things around you.
- Make something, draw, write, or craft.
- Go somewhere public, like a park or shop.
- Spend time with a pet.
- Watch TV or a movie.
- Message or call a friend.
- Listen to calm or relaxing music.
- Have a bath.
- Spend time with people who make you feel good.
- Help others, like volunteering or helping at school.
More text test
People you can talk to
Samaritans – Support any time, day or night. Helpline: 116 123
42nd Street – Support for young people under stress, call 0161 228 7321 (Mon–Fri 9.30am–5pm) or get in contact via email.
CALM – For men aged 15–35 feeling down, call 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight)
Childline – Help for all kinds of problems, call 0800 1111
Hopeline UK – Support for young people under 35 having thoughts of suicide.
SHARE – Self-harm support group. Every Tuesday, 6pm–8pm, Zion Community Resource Centre, 339 Stretford Road, Hulme, Manchester, M15 4ZY. Get in contact via email.
Women’s Self-Injury – Support for women affected by self-injury, and their families. You can call them on 0808 800 8088 (Tues–Thurs 7pm–10pm)
Your GP – Speak to your doctor if:
- You are harming yourself
- You have thoughts of harming yourself
- You have minor injuries (cuts, burns)
If you think your child is self-harming
If you think your child is self-harming, support is available.
Signs your child may be self-harming
As a parent you may suspect your child is self-harming. If you are worried, and have ruled out other possible abuse, look out for these signs:
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Unexplained cuts, burns or bruises
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Blood stains on clothing or tissues in the bin
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Keeping covered up, avoiding swimming or changing around others
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Items such as razors or kitchen utensils going missing
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Being withdrawn from friends or family
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Low mood, loss of interest in life or depression
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Blaming themselves or expressing feelings of failure, hopelessness or anger
It can be hard to talk about self-harm, but it’s important not to deal with it alone. Some people hide it because they feel ashamed or worried. Self-harm is not something to be ashamed of. Getting support can help your child understand their feelings and find safer ways to cope.
Helping your child who self-harms
Stopping self-harm completely may be the goal, but it is important to think carefully before ‘just stopping’, especially if it helps your child cope with distress.
It may help to support your child to gradually reduce self-harm while learning other ways to cope (unless their self-harm is life threatening).
Practical help
Overdoses
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Take your child to the emergency department immediately.
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Try to find out what they have taken and tell medical staff.
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If they won’t say, check for empty pill bottles or packs.
Cuts and wounds
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Press on bleeding cuts with a bandage or towel.
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Clean the wound under running water and cover with a sterile dressing.
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Seek medical help if there are signs of infection (swelling, pus or spreading redness).
Burns
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Cool the burn with cold water for 10–30 minutes.
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Cover with cling film.
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Do not use ice, creams or greasy substances like butter.
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For more advice visit NHS 111 or call 111.
Scars
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Scars often fade over time.
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Creams or makeup may help cover them if your child wishes.
Grounding techniques
If your child feels very distressed, these may help them feel calmer:
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Butterfly hug (wrap arms around yourself and tap alternate shoulders)
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Hold an ice cube until it melts
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Cold flannel on the face or neck
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Slow breathing exercises
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Grounding exercise: 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste
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Alphabet game (name something for each letter)
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Rainbow game (name things in the room by colour)
Looking after yourself
Supporting a child who self-harms can be upsetting and stressful. It is important to take care of your own wellbeing too.
You might feel lonely or guilty, but it’s okay to talk to trusted friends or family. You don’t need to share details — simply talking about how you feel can help.
